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Mike Knowles
- Male
- Cheshire
- United Kingdom
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Profile Information
- Hometown:
- Macclesfield
- What Comics I'm Reading
- None at the moment. I'm filling this f*cking box in!
- About Me:
- For the past 30-years I’ve been a freelance writer. During that time if we take just the comics alone, I must have had well over 6,000 stories published. Prior to this I’d been to art school, served in the army and worked as a psychotherapist, (I was supposed to be a patient but they were short of staff.) I started out writing stories for women’s confessional magazines. It was a traumatic experience. On a regular basis I found myself having to cope with unwanted pregnancies and unfaithful husbands/boy friends. No matter how hard your heart is, after a while, these sob stories get to you. My analyst told me I was letting my imagination run away with me.
‘Just remember you’re not a woman,’ he said.
‘That’s great!’ I cried. ‘Now I can stop wearing these dresses.’
Then I heard that the publishers DC Thomson were always looking for writers for their comics. I’d been a fan of comics ever since I was a kid. I’d also had some experience. My parents were that poor they couldn’t afford to buy me any, so I had to write and draw my own. How poor were we? Well, my mother used to use the wax from our ears to polish the floor. That was a joke. In actual fact there was only enough to polish a small stool. Anyway, I started out on Commando and my career as a war hero kicked off with a WW2 story entitled “Coward in Khaki,” published in the 1980’s.
That was just the start. They say war is hell. Well, I can confirm that because I’ve fought in most of the major military campaigns of the 20th Century. From the freezing mud of Flanders to the steaming jungles of Vietnam. I’ve fought the Germans whilst serving in the British, Australian, American, French and Polish armed forces. Not content with that, I even switched sides. As a German soldier, I’ve fought the Russians and, just to balance things out, I’ve fought the Germans whilst serving with the Red Army. I’ve been a legionnaire serving in WW2, Korea and Vietnam and I’ve served with distinction in the Commandos. A positive glutton for punishment, I served as a tough combat seasoned leatherneck in the United States Marine Corps where I fought the Viet Cong and the Japanese, (just to make sure Ho Chi Min and Emperor Hirohito knew who they were up against, I fought them both as an Aussie. But it hasn’t all been military brawn. No, I’ve also been a boffin. Finally, I’ve done more than my bit in the French Resistance. Amongst my other skills I’m a qualified sniper, combat engineer, signaller, artilleryman, tank driver and fighter pilot. So much for the army selection board! Foxtrot in Leadership? They must be joking. But when Britain went to war in Iraq what happened? Not a word from the MOD. They decided they didn’t need my help. And look at the mess they made of it. Enough said.
In the meantime I’d also sold an idea to the Bullet comic entitled “The Hammer of Vulkan” and involved a group of German soldiers fighting on the Eastern Front. Great! I was on home ground. Bullet was replaced by Warlord, (today titles like these would not get past the PC Brigade), and I was soon writing for characters like “Three Men in a Jeep” “Union Jack Jackson” and “The Big Palooka,” “Sgt Ryker.” One idea I recall coming up with was Steelhead Sam. It was about a guy whose entire skull had been replaced with a super-tough metal. He was a cut down version of the Million Dollar Man, (unlike the Americans we could only afford to do the head.) Don’t ask me how it was achieved because I’m no orthopaedic surgeon. Anyway, not only did bullets just bounced off it, it also doubled as a useful battering ram. Needless to say, I advised the readers not to try this at home. Another series I created was “Kelly’s Choppers” about helicopter pilots in Korea. Or was that one about an Irishman’s false teeth?
I also wrote for the Victor. Probably one reason why it folded. The stories I recall writing were for were “Tuff of the Track,” “Morgyn the Mighty,” (DC Thomson’s answer to Tarzan), “Mike’s Millions,” “Billy the Cat,” and a supernatural series called “Pendragon.” I also did my bit in Bomber Command when I flew with Braddock VC.”
At this point I have a confession to make. I even wrote for the girl’s comics. I told my wife that it was my feminine side coming out. She told me she didn’t mind who I wrote for as long as they paid me to do it. Thankfully, all I can recall was a series called “Melody Moffat” that ran in either Bunty or Mandy and some stories that appeared in Bunty Library. Let’s be fair. These are not the sort of credits a testosterone fuelled male writer needs. (Can you imagine Mickey Spillane writing for Mills & Boone? “My Knitting Needles Are Quick,” “Kiss Me Nicely.”) That’s life, I suppose. One moment you’re throttling a German sentry with a length of cheese wire, the next you’re playing with your dolls.
I also worked for Thomson’s younger market, The Dandy and The Beano. The characters I recall writing for are: Desperate Dan, Corporal Clot, (I modelled my own military career on this character), Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Minx, The Three Bears, Roger the Dodger, Brassneck, Willy Winker, Lord Snooty, Bash Street Kids, Little Plum, Mickey the Mouth, Bully Beef & Chips, Cuddles and Dimples, The Jocks & the Geordies. There may have been others. On top of this, I was also contributing to the Dandy & Beano Comic Library. Apart from the characters above, I also scripted stories for Jonah, (my favourite), and Colonel Blink. In fact, if I remember correctly I even resurrected the anorexic Keyhole Kate! It wasn’t easy because I was constantly tempted to show Kate looking through the bathroom keyhole. Which probably tells you more about me than it does about Kate! This was before the PC Brigade took over. Nowadays, peeping through keyholes would be regarded as anti-social behaviour and get you an ASBO. Another DC Thomson title I wrote for was the sci-fi series, Starblazer. The first one was “Holocaust Hogan” and I also created and wrote for the Carter Mandroid series. I’m told that once Starblazer folded. Arthur C. Clark breathed a sigh of relief.
Clark: The swine! It’ll take me years to regain my cult status.
After reading artist Leo Baxendale’s excellent book, “A Very Funny Business,” I decided to do what he did and try my hand with Fleetway, (although, unlike Leo, I continued working for Thomson.) I got a letter from one of the editors Bob Paynter who asked me to meet some guys In Manchester. They turned out to be Mark Rodgers, Tony Husband and Patrick Gallagher who said they were creating a new comic called Oink. I told them I was interested in writing some stuff for them and they invited me to the launch. It was a memorable trip. We visited the Bahamas and the Caiman Islands and returned via the Cape of Good Horn. That was another feeble attempt at humour. Unfortunately, the only thing I came up with for Oink was a character called “Billy Bang.” This was a kid who literally exploded with anger. I believe it was the world’s first recorded case of Spontaneous Human Fulmination. Fortunately for Billy, he was able to circumvent the Law of Entropy and reassemble himself in time for the next episode. It’s said that Stephen Hawking is still trying to find out how he did it, (if you can, there’s a Nobel Prize in it for you, Steve!)
The truth is, I was overstretched. Not only was I doing the DC Thomson work outlined above, Bob had also asked me to supply scripts for Buster and Whizzer & Chips. If memory serves me well, I supplied scripts for the following characters: Beastenders, Cinders, Ivor Lott & Tony Broke, Lazy Bones, Mummy’s Boy, Odd Ball, Pete’s Pop Up Book, Sammy Shrink, Shiner, Syd’s Snake, Smart Alec, Smiler, Sweeny Toddler, Sweet Tooth, Sid, Joker, Shiner, Oddball, X-Ray Specs and The Winners. I suppose Beastenders stands out because Bob Paynter asked me to start off the series and come up with some characters. It was also the one I enjoyed doing most. In short, I became one of their top writers. Another episode from my time at Fleetway also stands out. I recall meeting Bob and some of the other staff in London where I mentioned I was dabbling with computer artwork and he asked me to do some. The result was a feature called “Shiner’s Micro Chip-ite Mini Mag.” Believe it or not, but the text and artwork were done using an old 8-bit Amstrad PCW that was marketed as a word processor!
Apart from sketches and quickies to TV shows like The Two Ronnies, Three of a Kind, Saturday Night Live, OTT I also wrote jokes for a number of comedians…even when they begged me not to! On top of this I’ve also written articles for a number of magazines. So what am I doing now? Well, I’ve decided to retire from comics and concentrate on some book projects that were festering away on my hard drive. Three of the books are virtually finished. The fourth one needs more work. Having been a sci-fi writer myself, I decided to do a Ron L. Hubbard and create a spoof religion. Based mainly on the philosopher Nick Bostrom’s proposition that we could be part of a computer simulation, my religion will be more scientific than Scientology. Then we’ll see the big movie stars flock to it!
On the other hand, I've got some ideas for comics. What shall I do? Decisions...decisions...
- Occupation:
- Writer
- Are you a woman or minority?
- neither but glad to be here
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